this is driving me mad,
whenever it gets quiet all I can hear in my head is train warning bells
the ringing, it’s not a buzzing it’s distinct train bells.
then I hear the train horn, it goes off about three times louder an louder, then I hear breathe, more like a gasp, an stones moving, it’s like sound of someone using their last bit of strength just hurling themselves towards darkness. I hear screaming an then I hear nothing.
It stops, the world stops, my breathing stops.
Then I hear crying, then it all starts again.
It keeps replaying in my head over an over.
I can’t do this, I can’t listen to this in my head.
I can’t be alone.
I have never drank so much or smoked so much in my life
I fucking don’t even understand I cant do this
(Source: eggcell)
I sat where you died today an watched the trains go by.
I sat there an smoked about 20 cigarettes (Marlboro golds cause I know you loved them)
I sat there an drew all over the fence where you last stood, I drew pictures of the beach, cause you liked the beach.
I smoked a few doobs for you cause I loved hearing your funny high stories.
I remembered the phone call I received once from you when you didnt know how to roll a doob.
I remembered your laugh an it made me cry.
I remembered your sweet smile, your happy tone.
You never hurt anyone so why did you feel like you had to go so fast.
Everyone fucking adored you aimz.
I can’t believe how much I thought about you in the days leading up to your accident.
An then all of a sudden you were gone.
So quickly.
I will never forget finding out.
I nearly dropped, for the first time ever I really knew what it was like to feel like my world was going to fall apart.
Well I have realised my world has fallen apart.
My eyes are burning my body has no feeling, I feel like my soul has been torn to shreds.
I can’t believe it
My heart is truly shattered.
At the movies with Gubler #2
I was so weak an confused at school
I didn’t know how to move
Everything drained me
I’m not going to sleep tonight
I just know
So I’ve decided to bring the kettle an milk an coffee in my room an stay up all night making stencils
(Source: frommelbournewithlove)
